I’ll never nurse them again

My youngest is now 3 and he’s been weaned since about just right before he turned 3. And the other day I realized in sadness – I’ll never nurse him again. My oldest and my middle child both were weaned at 5 years old. Surely I had a long nursing relationship with them but still…I stop to think sometimes how I will never nurse them again. Ever. At this point my breastmilk is gone and I have no babies to nurse. That part of my life has passed.

When they were babies, and mostly for my first, it felt like all I did, my entire world, was nursing. Was she getting enough? Do babies nurse this much? By the time I had my second and definitely by the time I had my third I learned how to go with the rhythm of nursing a new baby. For years my body supplied nutrition but also a comfort that they needed and that they loved.

My daughter used to come to my breasts and caress and whisper – “I love you leche. I love you.” And my third say would also say ~ “I love it. I love the leche.” Even my middle son had his special words for breastfeeding tell me things like “I love it. It’s yummy.”. They truly adored breastfeeding and I enjoyed those moments.

Yet like so many mothers, there were days that it felt like all I did was nurse. I tandem nursed…or triple nursed? Not sure what it would be called but there was a lot of nursing going on. And while thankfully the majority of the time I loved it, there were those days.

Now that I am no longer nursing, I reflect back on those days and think how much I’d love to go back to when they were babies and nursing non-stop. While at the moment it’s hard to believe – it all really does go too fast. They grow up, the time passes and it’s not a time you can do-over. It passes and that chapter closes to more new adventures but it closes. And now…I will never nurse them again. But, how I wish I could. How I wish I could hold them back in my arms, so little, so helpless and nurse them all day. How I wish they would wake at night and call for me and lay in my arms ~  just being there in the most favorite spot in the whole wide world. It passes too quickly.

My babies are growing and the nursing for them is passed. I tell them how much they used to love it and the words they used for nursing. And they smile but don’t remember. That chapter is passed in their lives too.

Yes we move on to new adventures, we grow, they aren’t babies. But there is not one mother in this world who looks back and doesn’t wish that she had realized how quickly time would go by. And I join them in this as well to hold my nursing baby all day…if only for a day.

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