At 12 weeks and 2 days we’ve lost our identical twins. This past Tuesday they were healthy and moving about at the doctor’s office and today, there was no heartbeat. Our hearts also broke as we realized they were no longer there.
Our twins were very high risk twins, being so rare that this kind of pregnancy only happens in .01% of all pregnancies. They were what are called mono amniotic twins – sharing both the placenta and a sac with nothing separating them. The risks were high, but our thoughts were positive. So positive that today came as a sad, sad surprise to us.
Our three kids were so excited about these babies that my heart also ached for them, imagining what they’d say when they found out. When I got home, teary and sad, they asked what was wrong. And I sat down to tell them. It took them a little bit to get it but then they did. They were sad, but not devastated. Kids really help put things in perspective. They said things that made me smile, like when my daughter said it was like having a puppy that then gets lost. My 2 1/2 told me that I didn’t need to cry and my 6 1/2 said that I still had these babies – pointing to each kid. And slowly I began to feel better knowing that even though my heart aches, my kids bring so much joy that they were part of the beginning of my healing.
We’ll take a few months and then try again. And I’ll take the time I need to heal.